So I've decided to turn this channel into a full blown production, CaptainKangaroo69 will become a complete reboot of the original Captain Kangaroo tv.. albeit now aimed at a far different audience... expect to see Mr. Moose, Mr Rabbit & Jesabelle once more but far far different than you might remember.. Mr Moose has developed a bad case of Torrets Syndrome... Mr Rabbit is suffering from his memories of the Vietnam war he is now mute as a result... and Jesabelle has hung up her clown costume and become a dominatrix. 

I don't get vapers... you're basically handicapped smokers...
When I see someone with a vape I don't see a down with the times, cool hipster.
I see someone that should probably be in a wheelchair...
With massive blinkers and warning signs clearly stating that this person needs inflatable armbands and a life jacket to eat soup.

If your wife's vagina was a videogame it would be rated E for everyone.

What's the difference between five black guys and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.

How do you circumcise a homeless person?
Kick your mom in the chin. 

Zimmerman goes to his doctor, his doctor walks in the examination room and says;
"Well Mr. Zimmerman, you're gonna have to stop masturbating".
Mr. Zimmerman replied. "Why doc?"
The Doctor took a sigh, rubbed the sleet out of his eyes and said. "So I can examine you!". 

Life is a meme.

So I was informed that when a police officer asks you to walk in a straight line touching your nose with both hands; apparently it's not an invitation to play strip twister.