know I called you over to smash, and Im also jazzed to try out the new character, but I actually meant sex this time, so will you please put the controller down so that I can put my cock in your mouth?

I didn’t pass a single class, but got through university by sucking off every professor that breathed in my direction until they screamed and gave me great honors.
Call that graduating cum laude.

A lot of people seem to think vampires are hot like just go shove an ice cube up your ass

Anybody wanna fund a scientific paper to test whether or not pineapples work?

Love full Nelsons. You can hold somebody oh so close and tenderly, or fuck their brains out, or just fucking destroy their spinal column. Good for business or pleasure or both!

May you all get dicked down in the cumming decade

There is an impressive amount of bots on this site. I mean, you joined 3 months ago and watched +2k videos and make 1.4k friends, are interested in guys with a big-tittied woman as your header image, and have your city listed as “the midwest”? Im sorry, sir, but you need to pass a Turing test if you want to jack off.

Imagine sex with somebody who doesn’t like the cold. It’s be like okay let me strip you
*takes off overcoat*
*takes off undercoat*
*takes off jacket*
*takes off second jacket*
*takes off zip-up hoodie*
*takes off sweater*
*takes off second sweater*
*takes off third sweater*
*takes off long sleeve*
*takes off short sleeve*
*takes off another long sle

*out of touch marketer voice*
What makes the gays horny? Tits?

Yes, I invited you over to smash. No, we are not having sex. Now choose your character, the rules are no items and final destination with smash meter.

Quentin Tarantino “take a shot every time you observe the foot fetish” challenge.

Oh, sure, you want our time in bed to be “spicier,” but when I pull out my bottle of sriracha, suddenly I’m “too weird” and “oh God it’s on my dick” and “ah fuck it burns somebody help me” and it’s all “my fault.” Grow up.