shadowravyn247 its been a wonderful year to the night. thankyou for a wonderful time. and a year of unforgettable memories. you are everything to me. you are so important in my life. and i hope to be with you for years to come

some nights, im away because im busy. other nights, im away because i have nothing else to do. some nights i simply cant . but there are nights like tonight that i dont want to . i even fear slee. i dont know what causes the few dreams that i have. but there are some that leave me afraid. battles against sins, building that take place in some sort of hell. and the pain that i feel when i wake. all im left with is the fear an curiosity of what i had faced

sometimes you need to let time pass. sometimes you need to just wait out the clock on things. people are busy and occupied. people need time apart to grow. and people. 
there are many day that i wonder what my little are up to. so busy themselves. unable to spare some time for their own situations, and sometimes i am at faul for not saying anything when i need to.  but i know their lives are changing so much. i mean hell mine has been thought some insanity on my part. so like them, all i can do is hope and pray that they are safe when im not around. check up when we can. and smile every moment im with them

its been a while(at least 3 mouths) and honestly a hell of a lot has happened. a new dom, the virus, and new goals for the future. its been insane to say the least. but i still want to try typing again. try venting my feelings. i had faced a lot of rough patches. but a lot of highs. i also want to talk and communicate better with the people that view this page. so if you have anything to ask. go ahead. i want to try again on this. and i ope im better at it

to be honest, i wasn't expecting much hen i started doing this. honestly i wasn't expecting to really make anything on here. but this small blog of mine is making me happy. im making a few friends. something that i wasn't expecting to do on here. people that make me happy. people the reinforce the effort that i put into this life i live. sometimes i want to give up what i do for a more normal relationship. even going as far as thinking the struggles are not worth the joy. but its every single person. every pet and mistress. every friend that i make through my life choices makes it more and more worth it. for my friend that read this,[lets be honest i know you are at some point] im very lucky, thankful, and just glad to have you as friends. an to those who i can have a real conversation with on this, just know you give me hope. you know who you are,

have you ever been in a love hate relationship with yourself. its like one second you think your doing ok, and the next your questioning everything you think you like just so that you can get some perspective on your own life. all without being about to change anything ispite the result

a hard part about being a switch over the internet [especially if your as needy as I can be] is when you are the only one who has time. My mommy works often in the morning and deals with a world that is very demanding for her situation. My little slime is older in college, her skills in computer sciences improve more and more each day. While she tries to learn how to please a man in every way she can. Teasing and playing with herself just for me. She is so busy, but works hard every day to obtain her dream of becoming the world's smartest bimo. My little foxy has had many struggles in her life, but she still works hard and puts her heart into everything she does.she does what she can with the hand she was dealt with in life. And im proud to see her and everyone flourish.
As happy as I am to “see” everyone flourish like this. I'm still so far away. And i have the most time out of all of us. With so many conflicting schedules and time constraints. To be with everyone. Mistress can be very gracious at times with her times.but since she suffers burnout from her life,that's why she has given me a schedule to follow. With my slime, she has so much being asked by her. Hiding from her parents, working hard to keep up with school and coding. She has a time sensitive jobs, so I never hold her accountable when she goes a week or two without saying a thing. She tries on her own to do her lewd stuff for me. And practices every day with her dildo for me. My little foxy isant as lewd as the other two. But she has so much spirit. She tries so hard sometimes, and lets me in on her daily life. 
Ill be honest when i say it gets lonely sometimes, you just wish at least one of them was closer to you. One of them you could spend the day with. But it's not possible right now, We all have something to do. But our steps for the future. A long term game that we only have just begun. The only thing that will make this worth it, is the thought that one day. Our dreams become reality. 

last night, I met some. someone who understood me because she had gone through many of the same things. she had brought up things that will never go away. things that she know that won't go away for a while. we lose a lot of stuff in our lives. but we never expect to lose people.
when we lose someone, a million things go through our minds. we think about every day down to the last second. we examine our past trying to pinpoint every single moment that we could have done something to change the outcome. every instinct we ignored. every measure we could have taken to prevent the end result. We almost want to micro manage the past. But we also realise that we can't change history.
And truth be told, the sorrow that we feel doesn't go away. We almost always striving for the ability to forget. The ability to move on. But we either deny ourselves forgiveness, or unable to stop our own self impose torment. There truly doesn't seem to be any hope for people with this sense of fault.
People dwell over something that can not be changed. They blame themselves for the losses that are not their own sometimes. But sometimes the only way to escape this pain. Or to at least make it easier. Is simply to find someone who can tell you it's not your fault. It's something that is out of our control sometimes. 
last night i think i found a person who has done that. A person who is going through the same hell that i had gone through. And in trying to help her. She has helped me. And I hope to help her as best as I can

                               Admittedly i'm a night owl. a night owl, but a night owl nonetheless. infact its to the point that my mistress would not be that happy because she placed a bedtime at midnight. but there are many nights where I sit in the absolute darkness of the room, unable to slip into a lul. other nights are where I too early only to wake up at 2-3 in the morning. unable to till 5-6. gets to the point that I try to drink coffee to .[I know that sounds insane, but coffee makes me ]. but in truth I value these moments of wake. I can speak with my pets who are on the other side of the world But there are nights just light tonight that make me feel sad and a little empty. I have never had anyone love me the same way my pets or mistress love me. I don't just mean a sub or dom love. I mean seeing me as someone that a person wants to be with. someone that people[girls] want to be more than friends with. I don't believe that I have a nice guy complex or anything. but 20 years and in college for 3 and I still don't know how I would be with a real girl. all this does is make me scared. it's these nights that make me feel for the day i do meet these Vips in my life. I cant hold my confidence for them. I don't know how I will be in these relationships for these people that I value so much. there are many things that I think will go wrong because of me. I think about how so much could go so wrong. And how much i blame myself at each step. But I can't do that. I have to say strong. Not for me. But for everyone else that i love. All the work I put into my relationships with these people are important. Each step it meant to bring us closer to each other. i cant stand down. not after everything that all of us have put into just to get to where we are.                             

a question that has been plaguing my mind over the course of the last two days as I write my story of how I met my mommy. what does it mean to be a dom. it's a simple question that has a lot of answers to a lot of people that take it a different way. there are as many simple ways to answer that question as there are more complex answers. but in my eyes, here is how I explain this concept.
To be a dom does not mean to just control someone. It doesn't mean to just have power over someone. It doesn't even mean to have someone to constantly server you hand and foot. For me, to be a dom means to have someone's absolute trust and to have the trust of someone else. This is the most important thing in a relationship online. I need to trust the person who gives me something to do understands my boundaries and rules as much as she trusts that I will follow through on a task or that i need to. We focus on our actions and intent, trying to understand what we want from each other.
The aforementioned trust is one of the most important things to a relationship like this. If i was the say the most important things. In my opinion, it's trust, comunistion, and ability for each side to take charge when needed. These aspects are truly very simple, but can be easily overlooked and honestly forgotten. But these are things that both sides need to look for in each other.
To put trust in what someone enough to grow their word is something not to be squandered. Someone divopted will give all they have to someone, but if it's someone who this high level of trust. They can leave you with nothing at all. Thats is why it's important to communicate with each other. You must define the limits and true boundaries that must not be crossed. Be open with each other, speak your minds. It sounds simple and obvious. But the context of pleads and wants of both the sub and dom can mean something that can go over anyone else’s head. Everyone else is the important part. A sub can misbehave and deliberately act against the doms wishes, but to the pair it could just the sub asking to play in a way that the two understand. This is just one example of a relationship that can develop for a dom and sub through communication. These relationships flourish between the feedback of these two parties. 
Now as for take charge,this is something that isn't easy for both parties. In most instances, it's expected that the dom is always in control. But if the dom isn't able to stand by his/her rules, they simply become an catalyst for someone's pleasure. Losing their role and control. On the flip side, once again asub can lose everything to a dome who only simply takes and . The ability to stand for their limits is a valued one. Though they must recognize the role they asked to be put in. there will be some moments that a dom will push their limits, tease and force challenging tasks.but these may be simply the dom trying to push the sub or condition to something wanted by the dom.this is where communication is import. Is ok to be venturous, but don't let yourself be lost to someone.
There are many things that a dom and sub must always remember. And yet we forget and overlook even the simplest things so easily. We can never forget the basics and foundation of any relationship. We must never take these things for granted. If you are a dom or a sub or even a switch to someone like me, I ask you to take a moment and evaluate the relationships you have. Take a long look at the, ask have you been good and true on your part. Ask what you need to do to improve your relations. And if anything, show your subs a moment of operations, or your doms how much they mean to you. Because with the right person, they can be the most important relations in your life.

so im trying to tell the story of how i met my mistress and i already have writers block

if there is one thing that is consistent between my real life and my online life, its that i am constantly worried. in my real life, i worry every moment that my family, my friends ,any random person looking over my shoulder. i have to worry about my school, trying to reach my dream job, and wanting to keep myself almost sane. but online. i worry for a different reason. i worry for the family i love with all my heart. a fair mistress who loves me for all my flaws and insane ideas. a pet who loves to role play as a slime girl that has devoted herself completely to me. and a girl who is not that kink as the former, but i just cant help but call my little foxy as i love her as much as the others. when im alone, i worry about them. i worry that they are ok. i worry about ether or not they fell safe at any moment. or if they can express themselves with all their hearts. i think thats why i love my online life more then my real. because for one, i dont have to worry about myself. but to devote every second of silence in my life to people who love me as much as ti do.

if people have questions for me. i will try to answer. i have to try to respond if i really want to start my own blog someday. but till then, i still want to give people a frame of who i am. i will answer only a few for now. if i dont answer for while, its because i by that time. my fault for starting a blog at 4 in the morning